Dating a Divorced Guy
Author: Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach
Has this happened to you?
SCENARIO NUMBER 1
Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop after another.
Assuming that if she appeared interested in something, he would buy it for her, Linda kept it low key as they browsed through the beautiful shops. Then something caught her eye and she couldn’t conceal it: a silly toy she knew her grandson would like. She picked it up, laughed, they played with it, and then she put it back.
“Oh, go ahead and get it!” Robert said, and his hand reached automatically for his back pocket, but then he turned away.
Linda went ahead and picked up the toy and they headed for the checkout counter. Suddenly Robert looked confused and fell back behind her, making sure she approached the counter first and alone. In other words, he made it clear he was NOT going to buy this $6 toy for her. You could almost see him fighting with himself!
SCENARIO NUMBER 2
A couple of dates into a new relationship and Ted and Shannon were discussing what they liked.
“Attention,” said Shannon.
“What kind of attention?” Ted asked, warming to the occasion.
“Oh, different things. Sweet looks, lilttle remembrances, time with you," Shannon said. “It varies. But I like attention from you.” (He had mentioned earlier, and she knew from friends that his former wife ignored him, worked all the time, and ultimately had an affair and left him.) Shannon smiled, wanting him to know how much she liked him, and he smiled back.
Then there was a pause.
A crestfallen face (remembering) was followed by a mask (hurting) as Ted delivered this door-slammer: “Sometimes you don’t get what you like.”
What’s going on here? It happens to all of us! DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!
Men know what women like and they’re naturally inclined to do it. It’s kind of natural with guys to want to give. But what’s happened is, this guy has done all this before and it didn’t work out. Now when he has the impulse to do something nice, he’s thinking, “I did that before and what I got was divorced. I’m not falling for that one again!” or “If I buy her something, she’ll walk all over me like my ex-wife did.”
Robert was really happy when he was thinking about buying the toy for Linda. It showed all over his face. Then he remembered something, and he stopped himself.
BTW, this isn’t about the “buying,” it’s about giving. Needless to say Linda has $6 to buy the toy; she’d gotten herself to Seattle after all! It’s Linda’s pleasure to receive gifts when they’re given to her. It’s part of the give-and-take of relationships. She might offer to buy coffee and dessert later. It starts the “we” thing going.
Ted is a loving man who had been starved for affection. Remembering the former rebuffs, he retreated in steely resignation – “Well, I didn’t get what I wanted (in the former relationship), so I’m not going to give YOU, what YOU want” – when he and Shannon had already spent many hours together getting along well, and he had been very attentive! Until he thought about it, that is. TURN OFF THE TALKING-HEAD! STOP THE CEREBRAL SABOTEUR! DE-ACTIVATE THE DOUBLE-THINKOVER!
It’s really sad to deny who you are because of your self-talk about previous relationships. You start to reach out for the other person and then up pipes that voice saying you’ll get hurt, or taken advantage of, it won’t work, or it’s all in vain. You tried it before and it didn’t work.
Well this is a new person and a new beginning. This new person may respond differently. In fact I can almost guarantee you they will.
What I’m talking about here is being yourself, separating out the past from the present, and treating each man as an individual who will not necessarily behave or respond the way the last one did. (Of course if you keep picking losers and think it’s a pattern, please get help.)
The Chinese say you never step twice in the same river. It wasn’t giving him back rubs, or being considerate or generous to him that broke up your previous relationship. We throw out a whole set of behaviors because they’re associated with bad outcomes in the past. Yes you DO know how to do things and how to make a relationship work; you just were with the wrong person, or the timing was wrong, or the place was wrong. Did you ever consider that?
One of the fun things about dating is when you find out that Modigliani print in the living room your ex hated, just thrills your new guy, and this applies to qualities, traits and behaviours as well.
We have to separate out what caused what, and who is who in the after-divorce scenario. As I say in my book, “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” until you can, you aren’t ready to date. You’ll trip all over yourself wanting to do something quite natural, and then slap yourself on the wrist. You aren’t emotionally available.
Marriages end because the people are no longer being nice to each other. But it wasn’t BEING NICE that got you there. It was other things. You were breathing, weren’t you, when you were with your ex. You still intend to keep doing that, don’t you? Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!
Of COURSE find out what the guy likes, and then give it with all your heart if you like him. Just because the last guy didn’t like you, want your attention, appreciate you, or respond to your kindness, doesn’t mean this one won’t. It’s about BEING WHO YOU ARE not worrying about WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
It’s only fun when you can be relaxed and be yourself, including lots of nice little gestures and kindnesses to the other person, and being able to enjoy giving, receiving, and sharing.
About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your success, health, and relationships. Susan is the author of “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” available here: http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
Author: Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach
Has this happened to you?
SCENARIO NUMBER 1
Linda was visiting friends in Seattle and they fixed her up with Robert for a date. He suggested they have lunch and then he wanted to show her the tourist district. Of course it was one shop after another.
Assuming that if she appeared interested in something, he would buy it for her, Linda kept it low key as they browsed through the beautiful shops. Then something caught her eye and she couldn’t conceal it: a silly toy she knew her grandson would like. She picked it up, laughed, they played with it, and then she put it back.
“Oh, go ahead and get it!” Robert said, and his hand reached automatically for his back pocket, but then he turned away.
Linda went ahead and picked up the toy and they headed for the checkout counter. Suddenly Robert looked confused and fell back behind her, making sure she approached the counter first and alone. In other words, he made it clear he was NOT going to buy this $6 toy for her. You could almost see him fighting with himself!
SCENARIO NUMBER 2
A couple of dates into a new relationship and Ted and Shannon were discussing what they liked.
“Attention,” said Shannon.
“What kind of attention?” Ted asked, warming to the occasion.
“Oh, different things. Sweet looks, lilttle remembrances, time with you," Shannon said. “It varies. But I like attention from you.” (He had mentioned earlier, and she knew from friends that his former wife ignored him, worked all the time, and ultimately had an affair and left him.) Shannon smiled, wanting him to know how much she liked him, and he smiled back.
Then there was a pause.
A crestfallen face (remembering) was followed by a mask (hurting) as Ted delivered this door-slammer: “Sometimes you don’t get what you like.”
What’s going on here? It happens to all of us! DON’T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU!
Men know what women like and they’re naturally inclined to do it. It’s kind of natural with guys to want to give. But what’s happened is, this guy has done all this before and it didn’t work out. Now when he has the impulse to do something nice, he’s thinking, “I did that before and what I got was divorced. I’m not falling for that one again!” or “If I buy her something, she’ll walk all over me like my ex-wife did.”
Robert was really happy when he was thinking about buying the toy for Linda. It showed all over his face. Then he remembered something, and he stopped himself.
BTW, this isn’t about the “buying,” it’s about giving. Needless to say Linda has $6 to buy the toy; she’d gotten herself to Seattle after all! It’s Linda’s pleasure to receive gifts when they’re given to her. It’s part of the give-and-take of relationships. She might offer to buy coffee and dessert later. It starts the “we” thing going.
Ted is a loving man who had been starved for affection. Remembering the former rebuffs, he retreated in steely resignation – “Well, I didn’t get what I wanted (in the former relationship), so I’m not going to give YOU, what YOU want” – when he and Shannon had already spent many hours together getting along well, and he had been very attentive! Until he thought about it, that is. TURN OFF THE TALKING-HEAD! STOP THE CEREBRAL SABOTEUR! DE-ACTIVATE THE DOUBLE-THINKOVER!
It’s really sad to deny who you are because of your self-talk about previous relationships. You start to reach out for the other person and then up pipes that voice saying you’ll get hurt, or taken advantage of, it won’t work, or it’s all in vain. You tried it before and it didn’t work.
Well this is a new person and a new beginning. This new person may respond differently. In fact I can almost guarantee you they will.
What I’m talking about here is being yourself, separating out the past from the present, and treating each man as an individual who will not necessarily behave or respond the way the last one did. (Of course if you keep picking losers and think it’s a pattern, please get help.)
The Chinese say you never step twice in the same river. It wasn’t giving him back rubs, or being considerate or generous to him that broke up your previous relationship. We throw out a whole set of behaviors because they’re associated with bad outcomes in the past. Yes you DO know how to do things and how to make a relationship work; you just were with the wrong person, or the timing was wrong, or the place was wrong. Did you ever consider that?
One of the fun things about dating is when you find out that Modigliani print in the living room your ex hated, just thrills your new guy, and this applies to qualities, traits and behaviours as well.
We have to separate out what caused what, and who is who in the after-divorce scenario. As I say in my book, “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” until you can, you aren’t ready to date. You’ll trip all over yourself wanting to do something quite natural, and then slap yourself on the wrist. You aren’t emotionally available.
Marriages end because the people are no longer being nice to each other. But it wasn’t BEING NICE that got you there. It was other things. You were breathing, weren’t you, when you were with your ex. You still intend to keep doing that, don’t you? Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water!
Of COURSE find out what the guy likes, and then give it with all your heart if you like him. Just because the last guy didn’t like you, want your attention, appreciate you, or respond to your kindness, doesn’t mean this one won’t. It’s about BEING WHO YOU ARE not worrying about WHAT YOU’RE DOING.
It’s only fun when you can be relaxed and be yourself, including lots of nice little gestures and kindnesses to the other person, and being able to enjoy giving, receiving, and sharing.
About the Author
©Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, Internet courses, teleclasses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your success, health, and relationships. Susan is the author of “Midlife Dating Manual for Women,” available here: http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
General
- 08-06-2006 09:00:00
Do's and Don'ts for men on dating sites
Author: Leif Croonquist
Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.
Being a man and also being the owner of a dating site myself I have to tell all my fellow men
that you are chasing all the women away. Most of you anyway. Women are keen on how we behave
because most of us all behave the same way on dating sites. Here is a list of DO's and DON'TS to help keep
the women at these sites and to help you get some responses.
1) DON'T copy and paste 25 exactly same emails and send them off. Women see right through this and it get's you no-where.
Ever wonder why you don't get responses? That's the first reason. DO send individual emails and put some thought into contacting
women on these dating sites. REMEMBER: women get 100 emails a day from all sorts of guys. If your email has no heart then you just
go over-looked.
2) DO spell check your email, women are so turned off by a guy that cannot spell it shows you are either stupid or just lazy.
The same thing goes for grammar. Take some time to get it right guys and you will get a response.
3) DON'T choose a nickname that has a sexual innuendo (unless you are on an adult dating site). Remember, women usually
like men with some class and Roger_69sU shows that you just want a one night stand. Try something more clever.
4) DON'T contact single women if you are married. It is a waste of their time and is an insult. DO read their profile and see if
they are interested in married men.
5) DON'T lie. DON'T lie. DON'T lie. Enough said.
6) DO not send women pictures of your "privates". They will ask if they want to see that. DO send them a nice picture that
shows your sense of humor or style.
7) DON'T just send an email after you see their picture. DO read their profile first.
DON'T harass women that are not interested. This ruins the site for everyone and could very well get you banned from the dating
site forever. Many sites now have reporting features for this very reason. DO treat all others on the site as though you were talking
in person to them. You would harass them to their face would you?
This is just a small list of some of the incredibly stupid things guys are doing on Internet dating and singles sites. Now of course there
are some great guys out there that are honestly looking for a nice date or relationship so any women reading this, just bear with us,
we men are slowing catching up and figuring it out.
Hope this article helps.
About the Author
Leif Croonquist is 34 years old and lives in Portland, Oregon. He is the owner and creator of www.cupidsblackbook.com . He invites you to join if you behave
Author: Leif Croonquist
Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.
Being a man and also being the owner of a dating site myself I have to tell all my fellow men
that you are chasing all the women away. Most of you anyway. Women are keen on how we behave
because most of us all behave the same way on dating sites. Here is a list of DO's and DON'TS to help keep
the women at these sites and to help you get some responses.
1) DON'T copy and paste 25 exactly same emails and send them off. Women see right through this and it get's you no-where.
Ever wonder why you don't get responses? That's the first reason. DO send individual emails and put some thought into contacting
women on these dating sites. REMEMBER: women get 100 emails a day from all sorts of guys. If your email has no heart then you just
go over-looked.
2) DO spell check your email, women are so turned off by a guy that cannot spell it shows you are either stupid or just lazy.
The same thing goes for grammar. Take some time to get it right guys and you will get a response.
3) DON'T choose a nickname that has a sexual innuendo (unless you are on an adult dating site). Remember, women usually
like men with some class and Roger_69sU shows that you just want a one night stand. Try something more clever.
4) DON'T contact single women if you are married. It is a waste of their time and is an insult. DO read their profile and see if
they are interested in married men.
5) DON'T lie. DON'T lie. DON'T lie. Enough said.
6) DO not send women pictures of your "privates". They will ask if they want to see that. DO send them a nice picture that
shows your sense of humor or style.
7) DON'T just send an email after you see their picture. DO read their profile first.
DON'T harass women that are not interested. This ruins the site for everyone and could very well get you banned from the datingsite forever. Many sites now have reporting features for this very reason. DO treat all others on the site as though you were talking
in person to them. You would harass them to their face would you?
This is just a small list of some of the incredibly stupid things guys are doing on Internet dating and singles sites. Now of course there
are some great guys out there that are honestly looking for a nice date or relationship so any women reading this, just bear with us,
we men are slowing catching up and figuring it out.
Hope this article helps.
About the Author
Leif Croonquist is 34 years old and lives in Portland, Oregon. He is the owner and creator of www.cupidsblackbook.com . He invites you to join if you behave
General
- 06-06-2006 03:00:00
Does the Free Basic Membership find you a date?
Author: Tyler Casselman
When it comes to online dating many people think that by signing up for just a free membership that they will get good results. The fact is this doesn't usually work. Unless you write a really outstanding profile your response will be poor.
The problem is that if no one signs up for a paying membership to these services then you wont get a response. Some of the big networks like Match.com have hundreds of thousands of paying members. The problem is they also have millions of actual profiles online many of witch are people signed up for free.
Now what I'm getting to is that the large services get flooded with tons of profiles, but no one is talking to each other if no one is paying.
I'm not saying that free profiles are worthless. I actually recommend for you to sign up for many free basic memberships at the big networks. A really well written free profile can go along ways. For those who don't have a good profile though your going to have to get in contact with people who interest you. That means you have to pay.
There are other advantages to paying as well. If you happen to see someone that you are interested in you can get in contact with them and they can get to know you better. This is really effective if you feel that your looks are just average but have an excellent personality. Lets face it most of us just aren't models.
Most of us just cant write a good profile that will give us the response that were looking for. The best way around this is to simply sign up for a membership even if its just for one month. Then start to contact people that were interested in. If your concerned about the price of the membership then just think about how important it can be for you to find the love of your life.
About The Author
Tyler Casselman is an online dating expert. He runs the popular site Online Dating Home. It can be found at www.online-dating-home.com
Author: Tyler Casselman
When it comes to online dating many people think that by signing up for just a free membership that they will get good results. The fact is this doesn't usually work. Unless you write a really outstanding profile your response will be poor.
The problem is that if no one signs up for a paying membership to these services then you wont get a response. Some of the big networks like Match.com have hundreds of thousands of paying members. The problem is they also have millions of actual profiles online many of witch are people signed up for free.
Now what I'm getting to is that the large services get flooded with tons of profiles, but no one is talking to each other if no one is paying.
I'm not saying that free profiles are worthless. I actually recommend for you to sign up for many free basic memberships at the big networks. A really well written free profile can go along ways. For those who don't have a good profile though your going to have to get in contact with people who interest you. That means you have to pay.
There are other advantages to paying as well. If you happen to see someone that you are interested in you can get in contact with them and they can get to know you better. This is really effective if you feel that your looks are just average but have an excellent personality. Lets face it most of us just aren't models.
Most of us just cant write a good profile that will give us the response that were looking for. The best way around this is to simply sign up for a membership even if its just for one month. Then start to contact people that were interested in. If your concerned about the price of the membership then just think about how important it can be for you to find the love of your life.
About The Author
Tyler Casselman is an online dating expert. He runs the popular site Online Dating Home. It can be found at www.online-dating-home.com
General
- 04-06-2006 09:00:00
Does Age Matter?
Author: Steve Eyes
In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon for a older gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the case, you’ll get a varied amount of comments. The negative reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some tell me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, “gold diggers” “mail order bride,” etc.
In other articles I have written I agreed with the assessment that Filipina ladies want to improve their living status by stating that most ladies want to improve their status financially, no matter the culture. So this argument smells of hyprocacy.
Let’s get back to some of the more positive reasons. Most of the following comments are from me asking other Filipina ladies this question: “Why do you like older men?” or I may of asked: “Does age matter?”
Several ladies told me a younger guy is not settled. They are looking for someone who is serious and they seem to believe an older man is more serious about marriage. They did state that a younger guy may not have the financial means to come to their country to visit them and maintain a courtship. When pressed why they thought this, most simply stated “who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy.” I didn’t get into the possibilities of a younger man having a good job with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.
This tells me that these ladies weigh the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship seriously and don’t want to risk being involved with someone who doesn’t have the staying power needed to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had already experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was abandon. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies believe a younger man is more likely to do just that. To these ladies it doesn’t make sense to get involved with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies realize this requirement and put more emphasis on this criteria then lets say a lady living in the states would.
All this talk about young versus old, led me to question the ladies motives. I simply asked, “if age is a factor in a man’s ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?”. That’s when the subject of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them versus what attracts an American lady seem to differ. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies say if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don’t put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character .
This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man’s age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have rid themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to treat a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn’t as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.
After many conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a factor only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to Liza (my Filipina Lady) as an example. Liza was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more money then I, actually turn Liza off. Even though she wanted to meet a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to shower her with fancy talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more humble and polite. That generated feelings which led us down the path to matrimony. There is no doubt if I couldn’t of afford to follow through with the courtship, Liza would of had no choice but to find someone else.
My example is typical. These ladies are not looking for wealth, but stability. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with respect, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to believe that most older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don’t try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the will and maturity to make dreams come true.
About The Author
Steve Eyes is a webmaster for FilipinaEyes Association and gains his insight from his online dating experience and helping others find love on one of his online dating web sites
http://www.filipinaeyes.com
Author: Steve Eyes
In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon for a older gentlemen to marry a younger lady. If you ask why this is the case, you’ll get a varied amount of comments. The negative reasons usually have to do with an Asian lady wanting an older gentlemen for financial reasons. I have had some tell me that this not a negative reason, but what stems from this argument are a variety of unpleasant comments. For example, “gold diggers” “mail order bride,” etc.
In other articles I have written I agreed with the assessment that Filipina ladies want to improve their living status by stating that most ladies want to improve their status financially, no matter the culture. So this argument smells of hyprocacy.
Let’s get back to some of the more positive reasons. Most of the following comments are from me asking other Filipina ladies this question: “Why do you like older men?” or I may of asked: “Does age matter?”
Several ladies told me a younger guy is not settled. They are looking for someone who is serious and they seem to believe an older man is more serious about marriage. They did state that a younger guy may not have the financial means to come to their country to visit them and maintain a courtship. When pressed why they thought this, most simply stated “who would have a better job, a 20 year old guy or a 40 year old guy.” I didn’t get into the possibilities of a younger man having a good job with the ladies, but for the record, this seems to be the belief system of Asian women.
This tells me that these ladies weigh the criteria. They take getting in a long distance relationship seriously and don’t want to risk being involved with someone who doesn’t have the staying power needed to be involved in a long distance courtship. In some cases, these ladies had already experienced a relationship with a younger man and after six months was abandon. Getting your heart broken is no fun and most Asian ladies believe a younger man is more likely to do just that. To these ladies it doesn’t make sense to get involved with someone that may not be able to afford to fly to their country to meet them (this is one of the INS criteria for the K-1 process). These ladies realize this requirement and put more emphasis on this criteria then lets say a lady living in the states would.
All this talk about young versus old, led me to question the ladies motives. I simply asked, “if age is a factor in a man’s ability to see a courtship through to marriage, is this your biggest reason to marry?”. That’s when the subject of love came up. Most Asian ladies still want to be attracted to a gentlemen, but what attracts them versus what attracts an American lady seem to differ. Behavior is a big attraction. Most Asian ladies say if a man acts like a gentlemen, in time they find him very attractive and fall in love. Asian ladies don’t put as much emphasis on first looks or impressions. They are more open to courtship until they get to know your character .
This discussion about behavior, courtship, etc. led us back to the discussion of a man’s age. Again, most ladies believe an older gentlemen have rid themselves of his wild oats. They believe older men have learned how to treat a lady like a lady. They believe a younger male isn’t as patient and is more likely to have a wondering eye or worse, a wondering sexual drive.
After many conversations and emails, I can put this discussion about age in perspective. Age is a factor only because of an Asian ladies belief system. However, other criteria does weigh in. In this case, I can use my marriage to Liza (my Filipina Lady) as an example. Liza was courted by several gentlemen. I was far from the richest or best looking. However, I did have a stable job and could afford to be in a long distant relationship (I saved my $). Some of the gentlemen who had more money then I, actually turn Liza off. Even though she wanted to meet a gentlemen who could afford to be in such a relationship, she was not going to be bought. Any gentlemen who tried to shower her with fancy talk about his wealth was crossed off her list. I was much more humble and polite. That generated feelings which led us down the path to matrimony. There is no doubt if I couldn’t of afford to follow through with the courtship, Liza would of had no choice but to find someone else.
My example is typical. These ladies are not looking for wealth, but stability. They are not looking for a young stud, but a man who will treat her with respect, a man who wants to get married and will stay the course through thick and thin. Asian ladies just happen to believe that most older men fit this criteria. All I got to say to the older guys is count your lucky stars. For you younger guys you need to show the lady you are the exception to their belief system. Don’t try to buy them. Show them you care, you are serious about courting them, and that you have the will and maturity to make dreams come true.
About The Author
Steve Eyes is a webmaster for FilipinaEyes Association and gains his insight from his online dating experience and helping others find love on one of his online dating web sites
http://www.filipinaeyes.com
General
- 02-06-2006 01:00:00
Do You Love Reading The Daily Horoscopes Part I
Author: James Hall
Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction to certain people? These intense reactions are pre-determined by a powerful astrological principle commonly known as horoscopes.
The daily horoscopes not only list the Zodiac signs for each month but also each signs’ distinctive personality type. The fact is that conflict in a relationship often arises when two incompatible personality types are in disagreement. The Zodiac sign’s listed in your daily horoscopes can be used as a guide to understanding the innate qualities and personality traits of your partner.
And that’s not all…the twelve Zodiac signs listed in the horoscopes are actually divided into four separate categories know as Elements. These four natural elements; Fire, Air, Earth and Water houses at least three of the twelve Zodiac signs.
Now the first element Fire, houses the signs Sagittarius, Aries and Leo. The individual personality traits are action-oriented and vibrant. What does this mean for you? Well, look to add different levels of spontaneity to your relationship.
Air, the second element houses the signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. With inquisitive and innovative personality traits—open and honest discussions about relationship issues are satisfying. Best of all their curious nature are a welcome addition to spicing up any relationship.
The fertile element Earth houses the signs Virgo, Capricorn and Taurus. The personality traits are task-oriented and savvy. Gentle nurturing will relax the tendency of Earth to hold back feelings in a relationship.
A cooling mist, Water the final element houses the signs Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio. Water has a keen understanding of people’s needs and a patient temperament. Even better is the high level of confidence and satisfaction manifested in its relationships.
There you have it…the four elements that houses’ the twelve signs of your daily horoscopes. Discover the personality traits of your partner by exploring your horoscopes—embrace them. Use them to add intense passion to your relationship. You’ll be glad you did!
Copyright 2005 – James Hall
About the Author
James Hall is happily married and thoroughly enjoys writing about relationships. His site a1-online-dating.com is a dating guide to finding lasting love on the web.
http://www.a1-online-dating.com
Author: James Hall
Have you ever wondered why you feel an instant attraction to certain people? These intense reactions are pre-determined by a powerful astrological principle commonly known as horoscopes.
The daily horoscopes not only list the Zodiac signs for each month but also each signs’ distinctive personality type. The fact is that conflict in a relationship often arises when two incompatible personality types are in disagreement. The Zodiac sign’s listed in your daily horoscopes can be used as a guide to understanding the innate qualities and personality traits of your partner.
And that’s not all…the twelve Zodiac signs listed in the horoscopes are actually divided into four separate categories know as Elements. These four natural elements; Fire, Air, Earth and Water houses at least three of the twelve Zodiac signs.
Now the first element Fire, houses the signs Sagittarius, Aries and Leo. The individual personality traits are action-oriented and vibrant. What does this mean for you? Well, look to add different levels of spontaneity to your relationship.
Air, the second element houses the signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. With inquisitive and innovative personality traits—open and honest discussions about relationship issues are satisfying. Best of all their curious nature are a welcome addition to spicing up any relationship.
The fertile element Earth houses the signs Virgo, Capricorn and Taurus. The personality traits are task-oriented and savvy. Gentle nurturing will relax the tendency of Earth to hold back feelings in a relationship.
A cooling mist, Water the final element houses the signs Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio. Water has a keen understanding of people’s needs and a patient temperament. Even better is the high level of confidence and satisfaction manifested in its relationships.
There you have it…the four elements that houses’ the twelve signs of your daily horoscopes. Discover the personality traits of your partner by exploring your horoscopes—embrace them. Use them to add intense passion to your relationship. You’ll be glad you did!
Copyright 2005 – James Hall
About the Author
James Hall is happily married and thoroughly enjoys writing about relationships. His site a1-online-dating.com is a dating guide to finding lasting love on the web.
http://www.a1-online-dating.com
General
- 31-05-2006 01:00:00
Dirty Old Men Get Their Dream Girls
Author: Elvis King
Call them dirty old men. Call them sugar daddys. But with Elvis Preston King on their team these guys get their dream girls!
Bachelor Dream Tours Dating Service
There are dating services after dating service after dating service, but there is only one Bachelor Dream Tours dating service with Elvis P. King at the helm. The king of dating services. Is Elvis back in the building with his girlfriends or is it all just a fantasy. You owe it to yourself to see for yourself. George Clooney bows down to Elvis when Elvis enters the building.
Girlfriend, girlfriends, girlfriend, girlfriends and more girlfriends! Dream girl! Dream girls! Dream Girl! Elvis the matchmaker, matchmaker, matchmaker.
For the older man who likes the much younger woman. The young girl or young girls of you dreams.Your problem of how to find a girlfriend has just been solved. Hot girls, young girls, white girls, brown girls, black girls. Elvis the Matchmaker King, Elvis P. King’s private, one on one dating service, also known as Bachelor Dream Tours are now available.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I am Elvis Preston King. The King. I am the guy every guy loves to hate. And every older woman just hates me because I am a bad influence on other older men. It’s hard enough for the older woman to find her man. Let alone the likes of Elvis P. King. No sensible woman would ever let her husband or boyfriend within 50 feet of Elvis P. King.
Elvis has made Jack Nicholson proud. And yes I get hate mail! I hold the world record of girlfriends age 18 to 22 years old in the men over age 50 class. They all have sisters, cousins, and girlfriends waiting to meet any guy who is a buddy of Elvis P, the King. I use to work for free for all my buddies back home but when my estate was sold I was left holding the empty bag. I am broke. I can’t claim my estate. My best buddy Red West Perry doesn’t come around any more after he had a heart attack and his wife put the brakes on the bachelor tours with Elvis. Truthfully, I miss my buddies, and my daughter, Tina Marie, but I have the life to die for. I think about my ex-wife Princess sometimes, but when you are Elvis and all the girls love you the temptation is just too hard to resist to be with just one woman no matter how beautiful she is. I can not come home for obvious reasons. Most people think I am really just a myth.
I will never forget the time when a very handsome 35 year old man all alone in a beautiful all-inclusive beach resort where I was vacationing with two of my stunners came up to me and said, “You are my idol because nobody has girls like that and certainly not two! What is your secret? You remind me a little bit of Elvis, sir.” “Elvis P. King at your service.”
Is it a case of Elvis Aaron Presley back in the building. My girls will tell you yes he is Elvis, The King has come home. Yes I was born in Mississippi and I lived in Memphis. I don’t want you to picture me as the young perfect Elvis. Elvis was fat in the end and so is your Elvis. My fried peanut butter and banana sandwhiches are easy to make with an island full of bananas and beautiful girls to cook them. But this is not a story about Elvis Presley or Elvis King. This is a story about the older man getting his young dream girl or dream girls. Most of Elvis’s buddies are old, fat and bald. So don’t get self-conscious and think you can’t get a girl. All of Elvis’s buddies always get their girl!
Whether you want a wife, girlfriend, young girlfriend, sexy girlfriend, kind girlfriend, real girlfriend, horny girlfriend, daily girlfriend, naughty girlfriend, beautiful girlfriend, hot girlfriend, teen girlfriend, cute girlfriend, tall girlfriend, short girlfriend, fat girlfriend, chubby girlfriend, or many girlfriends. You will never have to worry about how to get a girlfriend again with Elvis by your side. Elvis will hand -pick your dream girl right before your eyes. Say hello future girlfriend. Good bye ex-girlfriend.
Forget how to get your girlfriend back, forget singles bars, forget singles clubs, forget singles events, forget cyber girlfriends, forget virtual girlfriends, Forget on line dating, forget internet dating, forget dating agency, forget interracial dating, forget dating site, forget dating web site, forget Christian dating services, forget Asian dating, forget Indian dating, forget Black dating, forget love dating, forget Jewish dating, forget dating agency, forget Hispanic dating service, forget dating personals, forget adult dating, forget single dating, forget internet dating service, forget personal ads, forget hard to get girls, forget your cheating girlfriend, forget the ex-girlfriend, forget Donald Trump’s girlfriend, forget Hugh Hefner and Playboy Magazine girlfriends, forget sex dating, and above all forget senior dating services. Elvis has it all for you in his one-stop shopping dream girl dating service. Forget American girls, Asian girls, Latin girls, Canadian girls, English girls, German girls, Russian girls, forget Columbian girls. Elvis has the dream girls for you.
All you see on the internet is online dating, online dating, online dating, Russian girls, Russian girls and Russian girls. Who wants to date a girl online or go to Russia anyway. Nobody. If Larry Page and Sergey Brin from Google do not place your buddy Elvis P King and the Bachelor Dream Tours in the number one search engine placement position under dating you should email Larry and Sergey and complain. Long live the King, Elvis King and all his new buddies. Mention Elvis to Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Elvis would like to hang out with Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Also Elvis would like to meet Paul Allen and he likes Larry Ellison, just don’t tell the new Mrs. if Larry should decide to hang out with Elvis. Not to mention Elvis is a big Jack Nicholson fan. Who doesn’t want to hang out with Jack Nicholson. Even Elvis wants to hang out with Jack Nicholson!
If you need advice on dating, girlfriend, or love Elvis is the man. Take a dating tip from Elvis. Elvis has Fantasy Island hide-aways where few Westerners have ever strolled. My girls are not bleached out white girls and they love and crave the older man! One of my happiest clients is from Japan. You should see the girl he took home! Although I will admit I have a few beautiful white girlfriends. They are for the most part exotic island girls with Hawaiian tans and big brown eyes and curves to die for. My favorite island holds the title for Miss Universe literally! My girls would die for a Westerner Sugar Daddy like you. Don’t worry about speaking another language. My chauffeur speaks eight languages. Elvis tries to take care of all the girls, but there are simply too many. Come on down. Join Elvis on a one on one Bachelor Dream Tour.
I would write a book but I refuse to sell my secrets cheap. You can sit home and say “yeah, yeah Elvis sure, sure we believe your story.” Or you can skip your trip to the Bahamas, Florida, Cancun or Hawaii and take a real vacation and see for yourself. A fantasy island vacation to remember for the rest of your life. Should you desire you can take your bikini girl home and marry her. Or just pick up the tab and hang out with Elvis and watch the sunsets over the ocean every night for the rest of your life with dream girl after dream girl after dream girl in the real Margaritaville, but this Margaritaville has available girls! And Elvis knows how to get them for you.
Elvis King specializes in finding that special dream girl or dream girls for the older gentleman who has everything except his own private Miss Universe! His one on one Bachelor Dream Tours are very popular and there is nothing else like it on the planet. Elvis has no competition. Yet his exclusive services can still be retained at bargain prices. Don’t be shy E-mail Elvis at: loverboybachelor@yahoo.com or check out his blog site at:
http://bachelortours.blogspot.com/
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at loverboybachelor@yahoo.com
About The Author
Elvis King specializes in finding that special dream girl or dream girls for the older gentleman who has everything except his own private Miss Universe! His one on one Bachelor Dream Tours are very popular and there is nothing else like it on the planet. Elvis has no competition. Yet his exclusive services can still be retained at bargain prices. Don’t be shy E-mail Elvis at: loverboybachelor@yahoo.com or check out his blog site at: http://bachelortours.blogspot.com/
Author: Elvis King
Call them dirty old men. Call them sugar daddys. But with Elvis Preston King on their team these guys get their dream girls!
Bachelor Dream Tours Dating Service
There are dating services after dating service after dating service, but there is only one Bachelor Dream Tours dating service with Elvis P. King at the helm. The king of dating services. Is Elvis back in the building with his girlfriends or is it all just a fantasy. You owe it to yourself to see for yourself. George Clooney bows down to Elvis when Elvis enters the building.
Girlfriend, girlfriends, girlfriend, girlfriends and more girlfriends! Dream girl! Dream girls! Dream Girl! Elvis the matchmaker, matchmaker, matchmaker.
For the older man who likes the much younger woman. The young girl or young girls of you dreams.Your problem of how to find a girlfriend has just been solved. Hot girls, young girls, white girls, brown girls, black girls. Elvis the Matchmaker King, Elvis P. King’s private, one on one dating service, also known as Bachelor Dream Tours are now available.
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I am Elvis Preston King. The King. I am the guy every guy loves to hate. And every older woman just hates me because I am a bad influence on other older men. It’s hard enough for the older woman to find her man. Let alone the likes of Elvis P. King. No sensible woman would ever let her husband or boyfriend within 50 feet of Elvis P. King.
Elvis has made Jack Nicholson proud. And yes I get hate mail! I hold the world record of girlfriends age 18 to 22 years old in the men over age 50 class. They all have sisters, cousins, and girlfriends waiting to meet any guy who is a buddy of Elvis P, the King. I use to work for free for all my buddies back home but when my estate was sold I was left holding the empty bag. I am broke. I can’t claim my estate. My best buddy Red West Perry doesn’t come around any more after he had a heart attack and his wife put the brakes on the bachelor tours with Elvis. Truthfully, I miss my buddies, and my daughter, Tina Marie, but I have the life to die for. I think about my ex-wife Princess sometimes, but when you are Elvis and all the girls love you the temptation is just too hard to resist to be with just one woman no matter how beautiful she is. I can not come home for obvious reasons. Most people think I am really just a myth.
I will never forget the time when a very handsome 35 year old man all alone in a beautiful all-inclusive beach resort where I was vacationing with two of my stunners came up to me and said, “You are my idol because nobody has girls like that and certainly not two! What is your secret? You remind me a little bit of Elvis, sir.” “Elvis P. King at your service.”
Is it a case of Elvis Aaron Presley back in the building. My girls will tell you yes he is Elvis, The King has come home. Yes I was born in Mississippi and I lived in Memphis. I don’t want you to picture me as the young perfect Elvis. Elvis was fat in the end and so is your Elvis. My fried peanut butter and banana sandwhiches are easy to make with an island full of bananas and beautiful girls to cook them. But this is not a story about Elvis Presley or Elvis King. This is a story about the older man getting his young dream girl or dream girls. Most of Elvis’s buddies are old, fat and bald. So don’t get self-conscious and think you can’t get a girl. All of Elvis’s buddies always get their girl!
Whether you want a wife, girlfriend, young girlfriend, sexy girlfriend, kind girlfriend, real girlfriend, horny girlfriend, daily girlfriend, naughty girlfriend, beautiful girlfriend, hot girlfriend, teen girlfriend, cute girlfriend, tall girlfriend, short girlfriend, fat girlfriend, chubby girlfriend, or many girlfriends. You will never have to worry about how to get a girlfriend again with Elvis by your side. Elvis will hand -pick your dream girl right before your eyes. Say hello future girlfriend. Good bye ex-girlfriend.
Forget how to get your girlfriend back, forget singles bars, forget singles clubs, forget singles events, forget cyber girlfriends, forget virtual girlfriends, Forget on line dating, forget internet dating, forget dating agency, forget interracial dating, forget dating site, forget dating web site, forget Christian dating services, forget Asian dating, forget Indian dating, forget Black dating, forget love dating, forget Jewish dating, forget dating agency, forget Hispanic dating service, forget dating personals, forget adult dating, forget single dating, forget internet dating service, forget personal ads, forget hard to get girls, forget your cheating girlfriend, forget the ex-girlfriend, forget Donald Trump’s girlfriend, forget Hugh Hefner and Playboy Magazine girlfriends, forget sex dating, and above all forget senior dating services. Elvis has it all for you in his one-stop shopping dream girl dating service. Forget American girls, Asian girls, Latin girls, Canadian girls, English girls, German girls, Russian girls, forget Columbian girls. Elvis has the dream girls for you.
All you see on the internet is online dating, online dating, online dating, Russian girls, Russian girls and Russian girls. Who wants to date a girl online or go to Russia anyway. Nobody. If Larry Page and Sergey Brin from Google do not place your buddy Elvis P King and the Bachelor Dream Tours in the number one search engine placement position under dating you should email Larry and Sergey and complain. Long live the King, Elvis King and all his new buddies. Mention Elvis to Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Elvis would like to hang out with Larry Page and Sergey Brin. Also Elvis would like to meet Paul Allen and he likes Larry Ellison, just don’t tell the new Mrs. if Larry should decide to hang out with Elvis. Not to mention Elvis is a big Jack Nicholson fan. Who doesn’t want to hang out with Jack Nicholson. Even Elvis wants to hang out with Jack Nicholson!
If you need advice on dating, girlfriend, or love Elvis is the man. Take a dating tip from Elvis. Elvis has Fantasy Island hide-aways where few Westerners have ever strolled. My girls are not bleached out white girls and they love and crave the older man! One of my happiest clients is from Japan. You should see the girl he took home! Although I will admit I have a few beautiful white girlfriends. They are for the most part exotic island girls with Hawaiian tans and big brown eyes and curves to die for. My favorite island holds the title for Miss Universe literally! My girls would die for a Westerner Sugar Daddy like you. Don’t worry about speaking another language. My chauffeur speaks eight languages. Elvis tries to take care of all the girls, but there are simply too many. Come on down. Join Elvis on a one on one Bachelor Dream Tour.
I would write a book but I refuse to sell my secrets cheap. You can sit home and say “yeah, yeah Elvis sure, sure we believe your story.” Or you can skip your trip to the Bahamas, Florida, Cancun or Hawaii and take a real vacation and see for yourself. A fantasy island vacation to remember for the rest of your life. Should you desire you can take your bikini girl home and marry her. Or just pick up the tab and hang out with Elvis and watch the sunsets over the ocean every night for the rest of your life with dream girl after dream girl after dream girl in the real Margaritaville, but this Margaritaville has available girls! And Elvis knows how to get them for you.
Elvis King specializes in finding that special dream girl or dream girls for the older gentleman who has everything except his own private Miss Universe! His one on one Bachelor Dream Tours are very popular and there is nothing else like it on the planet. Elvis has no competition. Yet his exclusive services can still be retained at bargain prices. Don’t be shy E-mail Elvis at: loverboybachelor@yahoo.com or check out his blog site at:
http://bachelortours.blogspot.com/
Please feel free to publish this article and resource box in your ezine, newsletter, offline publication or website. A copy would be appreciated at loverboybachelor@yahoo.com
About The Author
Elvis King specializes in finding that special dream girl or dream girls for the older gentleman who has everything except his own private Miss Universe! His one on one Bachelor Dream Tours are very popular and there is nothing else like it on the planet. Elvis has no competition. Yet his exclusive services can still be retained at bargain prices. Don’t be shy E-mail Elvis at: loverboybachelor@yahoo.com or check out his blog site at: http://bachelortours.blogspot.com/
General
- 29-05-2006 11:00:00
Dictionary for online daters
Author: All for daters - jaters.com
Dating has become easier for everyone due to the emergence and success of online dating websites. You can choose the site that suits you best, look for people who have the features you desire along with common interests and contact them immediately. Some dating sites are featuring their own instant messaging for members to instantly communicate with each other. This is a great way to make contact and get excited about a new ‘date’. But when you start chatting back and forth, the other person is typing recognizable words along with small clusters of letters here and there. What are they saying? These are considered to be ‘Net Lingo’ and are commonly used Internet acronyms.
411 – Information AFK - Away from keyboard AISI - As I see it AMBW – All my best wishes ATST – At the same time B4 – Before B4N – Bye for now BBIAF – Be back in a few BBL – Be back later BBN – Bye-bye now BRB – By Right Back BS – Big Smile BTW – By the way CID – Consider it done CSL – Can’t stop laughing CWYL - Chat with you later DGT – Don’t go there DHYB – Don’t hold your breath DKDC – Don’t know, don’t care EG – Evil Grin EOM – End of message FOAF - Friend of a friend FTTB – For the time being FWIW – For what it’s worth FYI – For your information GAL – Get a life GL – Good Luck GR8 – Great GTG - Got to go GTSY – Glad to see ya HAGO – Have a good one HAK – Hugs and Kisses HB – Hurry Back HHOK – Ha, ha only kidding HTH – Hope this helps IAE – In any event IDKY – I don’t know you ILY – I love you IMO – In my opinion IRL – In real life IYSS – If you say so J/W – Just wondering KIT – Keep in touch KWIM – Know what I mean LD – Long distance LMK – Let me know LOL – Laughing out loud LTIC – Laughing ‘til I cry LTNS – Long time no see LYL – Love ya lots M8 – Mate MRS – Meet real soon MWBRL – More will be revealed later MYOB – Mind your own business NBD – No big deal NOYB – None of your business NP – No problem OIC – Oh I see ONNA – Oh no, not again OOC – Out of Character OT – Off topic OTOH – On the other hand POV – Point of view RBTL – Read between the lines RN – Right now SF – Super friendly SNAG – Sensitive new age guy STYS – Speak to you soon SWDYT – So what do you think TAH – Take a hike TIAIL – Think I am in love TIC – Tongue in cheek TM – Trust me TMI – Too much information TTYL – Talk to you later TYVM – Thank you very much VM – Voice mail WE – Whatever WG – Wicked grin WYRN – What’s your real name WYSIWYG – What you see is what you get YAFI – You asked for it YDKM – You don’t know me YNK – You never know
Enjoy :-)
Yaya - Jaters.com Admin http://www.jaters.com - Free jewish dating, jewish singles & jewish matchmaking service
Yair Czitrom is the owner and webmaster of www.jaters.com - An experienced online dater that took his dating knowledge and web skills to help other daters/singles in today’s cyber world. He is an expert writer on ezinearticles.com and searchwarp.com
Author: All for daters - jaters.com
Dating has become easier for everyone due to the emergence and success of online dating websites. You can choose the site that suits you best, look for people who have the features you desire along with common interests and contact them immediately. Some dating sites are featuring their own instant messaging for members to instantly communicate with each other. This is a great way to make contact and get excited about a new ‘date’. But when you start chatting back and forth, the other person is typing recognizable words along with small clusters of letters here and there. What are they saying? These are considered to be ‘Net Lingo’ and are commonly used Internet acronyms.
411 – Information AFK - Away from keyboard AISI - As I see it AMBW – All my best wishes ATST – At the same time B4 – Before B4N – Bye for now BBIAF – Be back in a few BBL – Be back later BBN – Bye-bye now BRB – By Right Back BS – Big Smile BTW – By the way CID – Consider it done CSL – Can’t stop laughing CWYL - Chat with you later DGT – Don’t go there DHYB – Don’t hold your breath DKDC – Don’t know, don’t care EG – Evil Grin EOM – End of message FOAF - Friend of a friend FTTB – For the time being FWIW – For what it’s worth FYI – For your information GAL – Get a life GL – Good Luck GR8 – Great GTG - Got to go GTSY – Glad to see ya HAGO – Have a good one HAK – Hugs and Kisses HB – Hurry Back HHOK – Ha, ha only kidding HTH – Hope this helps IAE – In any event IDKY – I don’t know you ILY – I love you IMO – In my opinion IRL – In real life IYSS – If you say so J/W – Just wondering KIT – Keep in touch KWIM – Know what I mean LD – Long distance LMK – Let me know LOL – Laughing out loud LTIC – Laughing ‘til I cry LTNS – Long time no see LYL – Love ya lots M8 – Mate MRS – Meet real soon MWBRL – More will be revealed later MYOB – Mind your own business NBD – No big deal NOYB – None of your business NP – No problem OIC – Oh I see ONNA – Oh no, not again OOC – Out of Character OT – Off topic OTOH – On the other hand POV – Point of view RBTL – Read between the lines RN – Right now SF – Super friendly SNAG – Sensitive new age guy STYS – Speak to you soon SWDYT – So what do you think TAH – Take a hike TIAIL – Think I am in love TIC – Tongue in cheek TM – Trust me TMI – Too much information TTYL – Talk to you later TYVM – Thank you very much VM – Voice mail WE – Whatever WG – Wicked grin WYRN – What’s your real name WYSIWYG – What you see is what you get YAFI – You asked for it YDKM – You don’t know me YNK – You never know
Enjoy :-)
Yaya - Jaters.com Admin http://www.jaters.com - Free jewish dating, jewish singles & jewish matchmaking service
Yair Czitrom is the owner and webmaster of www.jaters.com - An experienced online dater that took his dating knowledge and web skills to help other daters/singles in today’s cyber world. He is an expert writer on ezinearticles.com and searchwarp.com
General
- 27-05-2006 01:00:00
Dating Tips for Matchmaking and Friend Finder Sites
Author: Katie Lewis
Three years ago, I met my boyfriend Andy through the well known online dating agency 'Friend Finder'. Since meeting, we have moved in together and are head-over-heals in love. We decided that we wanted to help others that were in the same situation as we were - single and looking for love, so we set about creating a website aimed at reviewing matchmaking and friend finder sites from across the world. We believed that in doing this, we would give people a base to start on when looking for love.
Over time, we have added to that site, as well has creating numerous articles of which this is but one. This article gives you tips on how to create a good profile, and how not to fall into the dozens of pitfalls that there are in the online-matchmaking world.
Setting up your Online Dating Account or Profile
When setting up your online profile, it is highly recommended that you first subscribe or sign up for a free email account which you do not use for business or personal incoming mail. This is simply because if you no longer wish to be in contact to someone, they will not have access to your primary email. Some online dating sights offer the option of signing up for a free email account after you have filled in your profile. This is a good idea, as it provides you with an email that can be specifically used for dating purposes. When you select your screen name, use something that isn’t too intimidating. User names incorporating your own name or something that you enjoy is always effective. Make sure you reflect your personality in a conservative manner. Some examples are –
Craig_surfer30@heartsaffection.com
the.best.kind.of.girl@heartsaffection.com
Foxyfiona@heartsaffection.com
fun_and_flirty@heartsaffetion.com
guyforyou@heartsaffection.com
alan.lawson22@heartsaffection.com
How Are You Feeling Today?
The completion of an online dating profile should be done in the right frame of mind. If you are feeling blue or perhaps lonely, or even not so positive the day you fill out your profile, it will come across that way. Choose a day when you feel happy and positive about your life, then sit down beforehand, grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down your interests, hobbies and your best points and traits. If you make a draft copy beforehand, you will find there are just so many wonderful things about ‘you’ that you want to share with others, you won’t have space in your profile when you come to filling it in!
Be Honest with Yourself…and Others
Make sure you are honest when writing your profile. Good relationships are based on trust and honesty. If you are serious about online dating and are hoping it will lead to a meeting, you need to describe yourself and your personality accurately. There may be some parts of your identity that you wish to remain inconspicuous, but when it comes to appearance, you should describe yourself truthfully. After all, you never know when the person of your dreams will want to meet up with you! If describing your appearance is not your thing and you feel uncomfortable, just add and photo of yourself.
Photos
When attaching a photo to your profile, there are a few key things to consider. The photo you select should portray you accurately. This means not posting the one of you two years ago when you were out at a friends 21st and looked fantastic but had just ‘10 too many’ drink. Is that a true representation of you?
For the best results, have another person take the picture for you. This will allow them to get the best possible effects from light, angle and positioning. If you enjoy the outdoors, have a friend take a picture of you in your beautiful garden with a fresh flower pinned behind your ear. If you prefer the beach, have them take it of you under a shady palm with a huge smile!
It important to appear naturel in your pictures. Dress modestly, or how you would when you were going out on a casual date. The aim is to appear naturel, yet groomed, so smile, sit up straight and be positive! This will shine out to the other person – Gorgeous!
Getting to Know Someone
When you are first starting out with online dating, it can be daunting. The most important thing to remember to is remain truthful to yourself. If you get a negative feeling about a particular person, go with it. If you feel an attachment of friendship forming, see where it leads you. You must remember there is no rush or pressures to meet, fall for or even become good friends with a person, so go at your own pace. Generally, people like an honest, friendly and warm person who is fun to be with. Each individual has their own definition of these traits; it is just a matter of finding someone who is compatible with you.
A good way to let someone you have been seeing online know how you feel about them is to send them an e-card or poem, according to their personal taste. I can be short and sweet, lusty or romantic; whatever you feel is appropriate and will be warmly welcome. Don’t try and overwhelm another person. People do not appreciate this and will find themselves wanting to distance from you. If you are strongly connected to an online partner, feel free to send them flowers or a small gift.
I hope this helps you find the person of your dreams.
For free reviews of matchmaking sites, please visit http://www.heartsaffection.com
Lots of love,
Katie Lewis
Author: Katie Lewis
Three years ago, I met my boyfriend Andy through the well known online dating agency 'Friend Finder'. Since meeting, we have moved in together and are head-over-heals in love. We decided that we wanted to help others that were in the same situation as we were - single and looking for love, so we set about creating a website aimed at reviewing matchmaking and friend finder sites from across the world. We believed that in doing this, we would give people a base to start on when looking for love.
Over time, we have added to that site, as well has creating numerous articles of which this is but one. This article gives you tips on how to create a good profile, and how not to fall into the dozens of pitfalls that there are in the online-matchmaking world.
Setting up your Online Dating Account or Profile
When setting up your online profile, it is highly recommended that you first subscribe or sign up for a free email account which you do not use for business or personal incoming mail. This is simply because if you no longer wish to be in contact to someone, they will not have access to your primary email. Some online dating sights offer the option of signing up for a free email account after you have filled in your profile. This is a good idea, as it provides you with an email that can be specifically used for dating purposes. When you select your screen name, use something that isn’t too intimidating. User names incorporating your own name or something that you enjoy is always effective. Make sure you reflect your personality in a conservative manner. Some examples are –
Craig_surfer30@heartsaffection.com
the.best.kind.of.girl@heartsaffection.com
Foxyfiona@heartsaffection.com
fun_and_flirty@heartsaffetion.com
guyforyou@heartsaffection.com
alan.lawson22@heartsaffection.com
How Are You Feeling Today?
The completion of an online dating profile should be done in the right frame of mind. If you are feeling blue or perhaps lonely, or even not so positive the day you fill out your profile, it will come across that way. Choose a day when you feel happy and positive about your life, then sit down beforehand, grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down your interests, hobbies and your best points and traits. If you make a draft copy beforehand, you will find there are just so many wonderful things about ‘you’ that you want to share with others, you won’t have space in your profile when you come to filling it in!
Be Honest with Yourself…and Others
Make sure you are honest when writing your profile. Good relationships are based on trust and honesty. If you are serious about online dating and are hoping it will lead to a meeting, you need to describe yourself and your personality accurately. There may be some parts of your identity that you wish to remain inconspicuous, but when it comes to appearance, you should describe yourself truthfully. After all, you never know when the person of your dreams will want to meet up with you! If describing your appearance is not your thing and you feel uncomfortable, just add and photo of yourself.
Photos
When attaching a photo to your profile, there are a few key things to consider. The photo you select should portray you accurately. This means not posting the one of you two years ago when you were out at a friends 21st and looked fantastic but had just ‘10 too many’ drink. Is that a true representation of you?
For the best results, have another person take the picture for you. This will allow them to get the best possible effects from light, angle and positioning. If you enjoy the outdoors, have a friend take a picture of you in your beautiful garden with a fresh flower pinned behind your ear. If you prefer the beach, have them take it of you under a shady palm with a huge smile!
It important to appear naturel in your pictures. Dress modestly, or how you would when you were going out on a casual date. The aim is to appear naturel, yet groomed, so smile, sit up straight and be positive! This will shine out to the other person – Gorgeous!
Getting to Know Someone
When you are first starting out with online dating, it can be daunting. The most important thing to remember to is remain truthful to yourself. If you get a negative feeling about a particular person, go with it. If you feel an attachment of friendship forming, see where it leads you. You must remember there is no rush or pressures to meet, fall for or even become good friends with a person, so go at your own pace. Generally, people like an honest, friendly and warm person who is fun to be with. Each individual has their own definition of these traits; it is just a matter of finding someone who is compatible with you.
A good way to let someone you have been seeing online know how you feel about them is to send them an e-card or poem, according to their personal taste. I can be short and sweet, lusty or romantic; whatever you feel is appropriate and will be warmly welcome. Don’t try and overwhelm another person. People do not appreciate this and will find themselves wanting to distance from you. If you are strongly connected to an online partner, feel free to send them flowers or a small gift.
I hope this helps you find the person of your dreams.
For free reviews of matchmaking sites, please visit http://www.heartsaffection.com
Lots of love,
Katie Lewis
General
- 25-05-2006 07:00:00
Dating in the New Millenium
Author: Melissa Seifert
Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes. Traditional methods of finding a date would be to rely on friends to play matchmaker or to attend bars, various different social events and parties. We now rely on internet service providers to open the doors for romance. Whether we like it or not, the internet has changed our lives especially in the way we date and meet people.
Men and women have moved their search for love to the internet simply because it is the most convenient in terms of time and money. However, along with this convenience also comes risk. Sure it takes the pressure off witty meaningful conversation, but how fun is that? And how do you know if the person who you are speaking with via “text messaging” actually looks like their picture or has all the great characteristics that they say they do? You can’t read their body language to determine if they are genuine, dull or most importantly how they flirt, which is primarily the most important interaction you share with someone you are interested in.
This is why in our striving to make things better; there is now a combination of the traditional meets cutting edge. It’s called Speed Dating; this concept takes the demand of our fast paced society and still gives you the opportunity to meet someone face to face. It’s a very good way of meeting a large number of people in a fun environment and in a condensed period of time. Speed dating may be the new way to meet but after the first date, you must use traditional dating methods to make sure that your relationship grows.
Attending Singles parties in the past was deemed as an act of disparity but now they are becoming less and less unconventional. These parties are growing in popularity simply because we like to connect with people. Nothing beats a cheerful conversation and there is no better way of learning about someone than looking them in the eye and asking them a question.
The one mistake people make is that they want perfect…and they want it fast. The only way to find your perfect fit is to take the time and put your self out there as much as possible. Many people will go to a bar and stand around waiting to be approached, or take in enough liquid courage so that they can do the approaching…. bit of a hint…no one finds drunken people attractive.
Singles parties and speed dating events are for those people who are sick of standing around bars getting no where and for people who want to get to know a person face to face. Every person who comes out to a Single in the City.ca event is there for the same reason, to meet new people for friendship or perhaps a future relationship. At these events you have eliminated 3 potential risks: Are they single? Are they looking to have a conversation? And Are they open to meeting me? It is not to say that you NEED to come to these events to meet someone, it is just simply the smartest way of doing so.
Singleinthecity.ca is a leading Singles Organization that provides Speed dating, Singles Events and Matchmaking in Toronto and neighbouring cities in Southern Ontario. Visit www.singleinthecity.ca
About the Author
Melissa is the owner of a singles organization with 3 years experience in bringing single people together through singles events and matchmaking.
Author: Melissa Seifert
Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes. Traditional methods of finding a date would be to rely on friends to play matchmaker or to attend bars, various different social events and parties. We now rely on internet service providers to open the doors for romance. Whether we like it or not, the internet has changed our lives especially in the way we date and meet people.
Men and women have moved their search for love to the internet simply because it is the most convenient in terms of time and money. However, along with this convenience also comes risk. Sure it takes the pressure off witty meaningful conversation, but how fun is that? And how do you know if the person who you are speaking with via “text messaging” actually looks like their picture or has all the great characteristics that they say they do? You can’t read their body language to determine if they are genuine, dull or most importantly how they flirt, which is primarily the most important interaction you share with someone you are interested in.
This is why in our striving to make things better; there is now a combination of the traditional meets cutting edge. It’s called Speed Dating; this concept takes the demand of our fast paced society and still gives you the opportunity to meet someone face to face. It’s a very good way of meeting a large number of people in a fun environment and in a condensed period of time. Speed dating may be the new way to meet but after the first date, you must use traditional dating methods to make sure that your relationship grows.
Attending Singles parties in the past was deemed as an act of disparity but now they are becoming less and less unconventional. These parties are growing in popularity simply because we like to connect with people. Nothing beats a cheerful conversation and there is no better way of learning about someone than looking them in the eye and asking them a question.
The one mistake people make is that they want perfect…and they want it fast. The only way to find your perfect fit is to take the time and put your self out there as much as possible. Many people will go to a bar and stand around waiting to be approached, or take in enough liquid courage so that they can do the approaching…. bit of a hint…no one finds drunken people attractive.
Singles parties and speed dating events are for those people who are sick of standing around bars getting no where and for people who want to get to know a person face to face. Every person who comes out to a Single in the City.ca event is there for the same reason, to meet new people for friendship or perhaps a future relationship. At these events you have eliminated 3 potential risks: Are they single? Are they looking to have a conversation? And Are they open to meeting me? It is not to say that you NEED to come to these events to meet someone, it is just simply the smartest way of doing so.
Singleinthecity.ca is a leading Singles Organization that provides Speed dating, Singles Events and Matchmaking in Toronto and neighbouring cities in Southern Ontario. Visit www.singleinthecity.ca
About the Author
Melissa is the owner of a singles organization with 3 years experience in bringing single people together through singles events and matchmaking.
General
- 23-05-2006 05:00:00
Dating and The Holidays
Author: Tyler Casselman
During the holiday season you can really feel lonely if your single. Things get even worse if your family members start asking you where your date is. So what are you going to do about it this year? I'll tell you what your going to do! Your going to find yourself a date!
First lets take one step back before you start looking for a date. Let me get this out of the way. Being single isn't really all that bad. I mean it certainly can be bad, but it does have its advantages. But nobody really likes being alone for the holidays. So if your down follow some of these tips.
Ok what you need to do is find out what your doing wrong when it comes to finding a partner. Consider stuff such as where you go out to meet people, when you go out, who you go out with, what is wrong with your personality, then try and improve these things. Those list of questions aren't complete there just examples of what you should be asking yourself.
The next thing on your list is to come up with a list of things that you like doing and things that describe yourself. For example are you lazy, do you watch allot of TV, is your house messy, what type of sports and activities do you play and the list can go on from there. The whole idea behind this is to find and learn more about yourself. This might sound crazy but its important.
Once you have those things taken care of you need to come up with a list of characteristics that your looking for in a partner. You should make this list extensive. Include even small details like hair colour. Although most of these little things don't really matter, its just a good way for your to know what you would like in a partner.
The last thing you need to do is find yourself a date. Based upon the list of things that you have went through above you should have a good idea of what type of person your looking for in a partner. By knowing what you want out of a partner you will have greater success in your relationships and know where to find them.
About the Author
Tyler Casselman owns the popular site
http://www.online-dating-home.com You can find lots of dating tips and advice at his site. In order to use this article on your site you must provide and active link back to Online Dating Home.
Author: Tyler Casselman
During the holiday season you can really feel lonely if your single. Things get even worse if your family members start asking you where your date is. So what are you going to do about it this year? I'll tell you what your going to do! Your going to find yourself a date!
First lets take one step back before you start looking for a date. Let me get this out of the way. Being single isn't really all that bad. I mean it certainly can be bad, but it does have its advantages. But nobody really likes being alone for the holidays. So if your down follow some of these tips.
Ok what you need to do is find out what your doing wrong when it comes to finding a partner. Consider stuff such as where you go out to meet people, when you go out, who you go out with, what is wrong with your personality, then try and improve these things. Those list of questions aren't complete there just examples of what you should be asking yourself.
The next thing on your list is to come up with a list of things that you like doing and things that describe yourself. For example are you lazy, do you watch allot of TV, is your house messy, what type of sports and activities do you play and the list can go on from there. The whole idea behind this is to find and learn more about yourself. This might sound crazy but its important.
Once you have those things taken care of you need to come up with a list of characteristics that your looking for in a partner. You should make this list extensive. Include even small details like hair colour. Although most of these little things don't really matter, its just a good way for your to know what you would like in a partner.
The last thing you need to do is find yourself a date. Based upon the list of things that you have went through above you should have a good idea of what type of person your looking for in a partner. By knowing what you want out of a partner you will have greater success in your relationships and know where to find them.
About the Author
Tyler Casselman owns the popular site
http://www.online-dating-home.com You can find lots of dating tips and advice at his site. In order to use this article on your site you must provide and active link back to Online Dating Home.
General
- 21-05-2006 10:00:00
Christian Online Dating
Author: Lawrence Andrews
Christian online dating is one of the safest portals of meeting other people for dating or a serious relationship. Most people consider online dating as an option in getting to know other people outside of their circle. The Christian community now utilizes the current trend of communication to widen their reach and to create a fun-loving environment.
You can search thousands of other Christian profiles and get to know each one online. There’s a vast Christian network that have varied interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. You can check out their profiles and you may get to like one. You’ll never know. Christian online dating has proved to be very effective for most people who participate with friendships often blooming to serious relationships.
Christian online dating provides a very comfortable environment and is considered safe. The online dating community is a place where you can create lasting relationships for acquaintance, friendship, companionship, romance, and can even lead to a permanent commitment.
A Christian online dating website would include chat rooms where you can have fun discussions. Post memos and notes in message boards. Share pictures with photo galleries. And of course, send personal messages to private mail boxes. They also feature instant messaging and voice introductions for a more personal touch. Some of the Christian websites even offer Christian dating services aside from online matching.
In a Christian online dating site, the center is spirituality. You include faith in your search for a mate. Most people go to a Christian community for dates because they prefer to have somebody within their faith. People here believe that more or less, they have filtered out the dates with people who may not share the same set of values.
Mellow people usually belong to this group of online daters. They are those who dislike too much loud music, bar hopping, and disco dancing. Most dates here end in a cozy restaurant or a sweet music place. Although this is not necessarily true all the time, it can be frequently observed on date outcomes based on testimonials.
Dating a stranger sharing your beliefs would be more reassuring than starting with somebody who does not share the same principles. If you are joining a Christian online dating site, more or less you’ll know what you can expect. And as implied, the online society is Christ-centered. And by association, Christ is all pure love and kindness. If you join the group, you are for Christian values and standards. Meeting the love of your life could be a possibility!
About The Author:
Lawrence Andrews is an ePublisher, software developer, consultant, and author of numerous books. Visit his Private Label Content and Software site at http://www.lmamedia.com for more information about Dating Do's and Dont's.
You may use this article freely on your website as long as this resource box is included, a link point back to my site, and this article remains unchanged! Copyright 2005 Lawrence Andrews
Author: Lawrence Andrews
Christian online dating is one of the safest portals of meeting other people for dating or a serious relationship. Most people consider online dating as an option in getting to know other people outside of their circle. The Christian community now utilizes the current trend of communication to widen their reach and to create a fun-loving environment.
You can search thousands of other Christian profiles and get to know each one online. There’s a vast Christian network that have varied interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes. You can check out their profiles and you may get to like one. You’ll never know. Christian online dating has proved to be very effective for most people who participate with friendships often blooming to serious relationships.
Christian online dating provides a very comfortable environment and is considered safe. The online dating community is a place where you can create lasting relationships for acquaintance, friendship, companionship, romance, and can even lead to a permanent commitment.
A Christian online dating website would include chat rooms where you can have fun discussions. Post memos and notes in message boards. Share pictures with photo galleries. And of course, send personal messages to private mail boxes. They also feature instant messaging and voice introductions for a more personal touch. Some of the Christian websites even offer Christian dating services aside from online matching.
In a Christian online dating site, the center is spirituality. You include faith in your search for a mate. Most people go to a Christian community for dates because they prefer to have somebody within their faith. People here believe that more or less, they have filtered out the dates with people who may not share the same set of values.
Mellow people usually belong to this group of online daters. They are those who dislike too much loud music, bar hopping, and disco dancing. Most dates here end in a cozy restaurant or a sweet music place. Although this is not necessarily true all the time, it can be frequently observed on date outcomes based on testimonials.
Dating a stranger sharing your beliefs would be more reassuring than starting with somebody who does not share the same principles. If you are joining a Christian online dating site, more or less you’ll know what you can expect. And as implied, the online society is Christ-centered. And by association, Christ is all pure love and kindness. If you join the group, you are for Christian values and standards. Meeting the love of your life could be a possibility!
About The Author:
Lawrence Andrews is an ePublisher, software developer, consultant, and author of numerous books. Visit his Private Label Content and Software site at http://www.lmamedia.com for more information about Dating Do's and Dont's.
You may use this article freely on your website as long as this resource box is included, a link point back to my site, and this article remains unchanged! Copyright 2005 Lawrence Andrews
General
- 19-05-2006 11:00:00
DANGERS OF DIGITAL DATING
Author: LINDA J ALEXANDER, ESQ
As we enter the new millennium the Internet is evolving into a major meeting ground, one that affords us access to people all over the world and draws us daily into online relationships with individuals we have not yet met. An increasing number of people are using the Internet to meet and get acquainted with potential mates.
While many of those online interactions do bloom into friendships and relationships, a small number do not have happy endings Beth Wadsworth learned this lesson the hard way. When Wadsworth began exchanging emails with Thomas Abney, she thought she, too, might have found love on the Internet. It turns out that what she had really found was a dangerous man who would try to kill her.
Wadsworth met Abney in 1999 while surfing the Web. The two hit it off and began corresponding. "We just started talking and trading information about our lives," says Wadsworth. " We seemed to have the same values and morals."
After only one month of emailing each other, Wadsworth invited her potential new love to visit her. Abney flew to San Diego, where Wadsworth lives, and the two spent some time getting to know each other off-line. Abney wasn't who he appeared to be, however.
When the visit was coming to an end, he turned violent without warning. "He jumped on me and started strangling me," Wadsworth remembers. "I was totally in shock."
When it was over, Abney had attacked Wadsworth with a claw-hammer and slit her throat with a steak knife. He then took Wadsworth's wallet and car keys, leaving her for dead.
"I don't remember being hit, but I had three gashes in my skull," Wadsworth says. "He probably thought I was dead when he left."
Beth wasn't dead, however. She managed to call ‘911’ for help, and Abney was arrested at the airport. He was eventually convicted of premeditated attempted murder, robbery, and auto theft and was sentenced to life plus 14 years in prison.
"I felt pretty stupid that I'd let this stranger into my house, and this is what happened," Wadsworth says. "I will never meet anybody on the Internet again."
While the dangers faced by Wadsworth and other singles aren't unique to online dating, the anonymous nature of the Internet does make it easier for people to be deceptive about who they are.
With the concerns—and dangers—of meeting others in this manner rising exponentially, it is no surprise that one website has already clicked with millions of netizens: WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com, a professional service designed to verify if persons are who they purport to be.
Are they married? How old are they? Have they ever used an alias? Are they really a doctor? Do they have any bankruptcies, liens or judgments against them? Do they have a criminal record? Have they committed domestic violence? Are they a registered sexual offender? A pedophile?
“Know what you are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your life,” says Linda Alexander, a Southern California attorney and website founder. WhoisHe.Com, which works under the motto, "When in Doubt, Check Them Out," offering background checks, personal profiles, criminal and civil record checks for potential mates, prospective employees, in-home service providers, future step-parents, business partners and nannies. The cost of the service provided by WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com range from $39 to $75.
"About 60 percent of the time, we find that people aren't telling the truth," Alexander claims. Background checks, criminal and civil record checks are important, according to Alexander, because it's easy to be deceived when looking for love online. "You do not have the same visual cues about someone as when you are face to face with a person," she says. "Somebody behind a computer screen, can be anything they want to be.
You have no idea who's on the other side of that screen. We tell our clients it is important to Be Safe and Be Smart. To take control of your future. Information is the key.”
A similar check could have helped Wadsworth. For instance, Abney had told Wadsworth that he had never been married, but Alexander found a civil record for a divorce. Alexander says that background and record checks would have revealed that Abney had lied about many personal details, which might have served as a warning to Wadsworth.
"It tells her that the man is not telling the truth," Alexander asserts. "He's a liar. He has something to hide in his life. I don't know if it tells her that he's going to swing a hammer over her head and that he's going to beat her almost to death, but I think it is enough to say, 'Watch out, red flag, don't let this man in the door.'"
These warning come too late for Wadsworth, who is currently taking a break from romance and the Internet while she works to recover from the physical and emotional wounds she has suffered. "I sleep with the light on every night," she says. "It's affected me."
While more and more singles are turning to the Internet to meet their mates and many online dating stories do have happy endings, it is important to remember that there are dangers to digital love. Wadsworth hopes that what she went through will help to warn others of those dangers.
WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com has been widely recognized on CBS’ “48 HOURS" and the CBS Early Show; The Other Half,in People Magazine, listed in Yahoo Internet Life Magazine's top 100 sites for the Year 2000, Seventeen Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, Kiplinger Magazine, and USA Today.
Anyone harboring doubts about anyone else can check out the website at http://WhoisHe.Com and at http://WhoisShe.Com and questions can be sent to Admin@WhoisHe.Com or call Linda Alexander, Esq. at 760-806-4377.
About the Author
LINDA J ALEXANDER, ESQ is an attorney and the President of WhoisHe.Com / WhoisShe.Com. WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com provides comprehensive background, criminal and civil record checks for employment screening, prospective mates, business partners, nanny checks, in-home service providers, Nanny Checks, future step-parents since 1997. She can be reached at 760-806-4377 or at CheckHimOut@WhoisHe.Com or CheckHerOut@WhoisShe.Com
Author: LINDA J ALEXANDER, ESQ
As we enter the new millennium the Internet is evolving into a major meeting ground, one that affords us access to people all over the world and draws us daily into online relationships with individuals we have not yet met. An increasing number of people are using the Internet to meet and get acquainted with potential mates.
While many of those online interactions do bloom into friendships and relationships, a small number do not have happy endings Beth Wadsworth learned this lesson the hard way. When Wadsworth began exchanging emails with Thomas Abney, she thought she, too, might have found love on the Internet. It turns out that what she had really found was a dangerous man who would try to kill her.
Wadsworth met Abney in 1999 while surfing the Web. The two hit it off and began corresponding. "We just started talking and trading information about our lives," says Wadsworth. " We seemed to have the same values and morals."
After only one month of emailing each other, Wadsworth invited her potential new love to visit her. Abney flew to San Diego, where Wadsworth lives, and the two spent some time getting to know each other off-line. Abney wasn't who he appeared to be, however.
When the visit was coming to an end, he turned violent without warning. "He jumped on me and started strangling me," Wadsworth remembers. "I was totally in shock."
When it was over, Abney had attacked Wadsworth with a claw-hammer and slit her throat with a steak knife. He then took Wadsworth's wallet and car keys, leaving her for dead.
"I don't remember being hit, but I had three gashes in my skull," Wadsworth says. "He probably thought I was dead when he left."
Beth wasn't dead, however. She managed to call ‘911’ for help, and Abney was arrested at the airport. He was eventually convicted of premeditated attempted murder, robbery, and auto theft and was sentenced to life plus 14 years in prison.
"I felt pretty stupid that I'd let this stranger into my house, and this is what happened," Wadsworth says. "I will never meet anybody on the Internet again."
While the dangers faced by Wadsworth and other singles aren't unique to online dating, the anonymous nature of the Internet does make it easier for people to be deceptive about who they are.
With the concerns—and dangers—of meeting others in this manner rising exponentially, it is no surprise that one website has already clicked with millions of netizens: WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com, a professional service designed to verify if persons are who they purport to be.
Are they married? How old are they? Have they ever used an alias? Are they really a doctor? Do they have any bankruptcies, liens or judgments against them? Do they have a criminal record? Have they committed domestic violence? Are they a registered sexual offender? A pedophile?
“Know what you are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your life,” says Linda Alexander, a Southern California attorney and website founder. WhoisHe.Com, which works under the motto, "When in Doubt, Check Them Out," offering background checks, personal profiles, criminal and civil record checks for potential mates, prospective employees, in-home service providers, future step-parents, business partners and nannies. The cost of the service provided by WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com range from $39 to $75.
"About 60 percent of the time, we find that people aren't telling the truth," Alexander claims. Background checks, criminal and civil record checks are important, according to Alexander, because it's easy to be deceived when looking for love online. "You do not have the same visual cues about someone as when you are face to face with a person," she says. "Somebody behind a computer screen, can be anything they want to be.
You have no idea who's on the other side of that screen. We tell our clients it is important to Be Safe and Be Smart. To take control of your future. Information is the key.”
A similar check could have helped Wadsworth. For instance, Abney had told Wadsworth that he had never been married, but Alexander found a civil record for a divorce. Alexander says that background and record checks would have revealed that Abney had lied about many personal details, which might have served as a warning to Wadsworth.
"It tells her that the man is not telling the truth," Alexander asserts. "He's a liar. He has something to hide in his life. I don't know if it tells her that he's going to swing a hammer over her head and that he's going to beat her almost to death, but I think it is enough to say, 'Watch out, red flag, don't let this man in the door.'"
These warning come too late for Wadsworth, who is currently taking a break from romance and the Internet while she works to recover from the physical and emotional wounds she has suffered. "I sleep with the light on every night," she says. "It's affected me."
While more and more singles are turning to the Internet to meet their mates and many online dating stories do have happy endings, it is important to remember that there are dangers to digital love. Wadsworth hopes that what she went through will help to warn others of those dangers.
WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com has been widely recognized on CBS’ “48 HOURS" and the CBS Early Show; The Other Half,in People Magazine, listed in Yahoo Internet Life Magazine's top 100 sites for the Year 2000, Seventeen Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine, Kiplinger Magazine, and USA Today.
Anyone harboring doubts about anyone else can check out the website at http://WhoisHe.Com and at http://WhoisShe.Com and questions can be sent to Admin@WhoisHe.Com or call Linda Alexander, Esq. at 760-806-4377.
About the Author
LINDA J ALEXANDER, ESQ is an attorney and the President of WhoisHe.Com / WhoisShe.Com. WhoisHe.Com and WhoisShe.Com provides comprehensive background, criminal and civil record checks for employment screening, prospective mates, business partners, nanny checks, in-home service providers, Nanny Checks, future step-parents since 1997. She can be reached at 760-806-4377 or at CheckHimOut@WhoisHe.Com or CheckHerOut@WhoisShe.Com
General
- 17-05-2006 06:00:00
CyberDating Lie Detecting
Author: Kathryn Lord
Did you know that Online Dating is the top moneymaker on the Web? Chances are good that if you are single, you have joined a site or two yourself. If so, you've probably asked my CyberRomance clients' top question too:
"How can I tell if they are lying?" Lot's of ways! Here goes:
First off, much of "the problem" of Internet lying is media over hype. What kind of interest would there be in a story about all the honest people who are on the Net?
But of course some people do lie, and being concerned about who is and who isn't lying makes a heck of a lot of sense.
Reasons people lie:
* To avoid conflict.
* To avoid the consequences of their behavior.
* To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.
* To hide something they did or did not do.
* To avoid rejection.
* To be in control of a situation.
* To avoid being embarrassed.
* To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are.
All make terrific reasons for people to lie online.
How to detect lying:
A truthful person will be "congruent." That means that all the information they give out -- their words, body language, they way they live and dress, everything -- fits together and contains no contradictions. People who lie will be incongruent in some way.
Here's what to watch out for:
1. How they use words: written, on the phone, or in person --
* Talking faster or slower.
* Changes in voice pitch.
* Taking charge of conversation, attempts to distract you.
* Continual denying of accusations.
* Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
* Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know."
* Lack of use of contractions.
* Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.
* Being extremely defensive.
* Saying "Trust me."
2. How they behave or the attitudes they exhibit:
* Being hesitant.
* Nervous laughter.
* Smugness.
* Uncommon calmness.
* Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.
* Inconsistencies in what is being shared.
3. In-person behavior clues:
* Touching chin, covering the mouth, or rubbing brows.
* Crossed arms or legs.
* Pupils narrow.
* Playing with hair.
* Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.
* Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you or down, or turning away from you while they are talking.
* Rigid or fidgeting.
* Slouching posture.
* Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
* Partial shrug.
* Lack of finger pointing.
* May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
* Sweating, even if it isn't a warm day.
* Saying "no" several times.
4. Your own inner cues:
* You sense something is not right.
* Explanations do not feel enough for you.
* You feel confused, you find yourself squinting or angling your head.
* You feel a block or a wall between you and the other.
In Internet dating, or any kind of dating for that matter, keep your anxiety down, your head attached, and LISTEN to everything your date tells you in every way. People tell you about themselves constantly, from the very first second of contact. You have to be willing to hear it. Not only do they tell you by what they do say, they tell you by what they don't say.
Many of these cues can come from simple distraction or nervousness, not deceit. New daters have plenty of reasons to be anxious. Signs of lying differ from one person to another. Don't let your own nervousness force a jump to wrong conclusions. Give your date a break and take some time.
Often, Cyber daters move too quickly to the phone and/or a face to face meeting. Gone is the golden opportunity to safely ask questions and study answers slowly and over time. Vastly increased are tension and anxiety, which complicate clear thinking and judgment.
With online dating, you have a tremendous advantage over meeting immediately flesh-to-flesh: You have a written record of what the other tells you. Make use of it! Take your time and get to know your potential Sweetheart the old-fashioned way -- through writing!
About The Author
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*
Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html
Author: Kathryn Lord
Did you know that Online Dating is the top moneymaker on the Web? Chances are good that if you are single, you have joined a site or two yourself. If so, you've probably asked my CyberRomance clients' top question too:
"How can I tell if they are lying?" Lot's of ways! Here goes:
First off, much of "the problem" of Internet lying is media over hype. What kind of interest would there be in a story about all the honest people who are on the Net?
But of course some people do lie, and being concerned about who is and who isn't lying makes a heck of a lot of sense.
Reasons people lie:
* To avoid conflict.
* To avoid the consequences of their behavior.
* To postpone having to make changes in lifestyle.
* To hide something they did or did not do.
* To avoid rejection.
* To be in control of a situation.
* To avoid being embarrassed.
* To make themselves appear more successful, good, or talented than they really are.
All make terrific reasons for people to lie online.
How to detect lying:
A truthful person will be "congruent." That means that all the information they give out -- their words, body language, they way they live and dress, everything -- fits together and contains no contradictions. People who lie will be incongruent in some way.
Here's what to watch out for:
1. How they use words: written, on the phone, or in person --
* Talking faster or slower.
* Changes in voice pitch.
* Taking charge of conversation, attempts to distract you.
* Continual denying of accusations.
* Unusual voice fluctuations, word choice, sentence structure.
* Stalling the conversation by repetitive use of pauses and comments like "um" or "you know."
* Lack of use of contractions.
* Prefers emphasizing "not" when talking.
* Being extremely defensive.
* Saying "Trust me."
2. How they behave or the attitudes they exhibit:
* Being hesitant.
* Nervous laughter.
* Smugness.
* Uncommon calmness.
* Providing more information and specifics than is necessary or was asked for.
* Inconsistencies in what is being shared.
3. In-person behavior clues:
* Touching chin, covering the mouth, or rubbing brows.
* Crossed arms or legs.
* Pupils narrow.
* Playing with hair.
* Body language and facial expressions don't match what is being said such as saying "no", but nodding head up and down.
* Avoidance of eye contact, eyes glancing to the right, staring past you or down, or turning away from you while they are talking.
* Rigid or fidgeting.
* Slouching posture.
* Unnatural or limited arm and hand movements.
* Partial shrug.
* Lack of finger pointing.
* May place a barrier such as a desk or chair in front of self.
* Sweating, even if it isn't a warm day.
* Saying "no" several times.
4. Your own inner cues:
* You sense something is not right.
* Explanations do not feel enough for you.
* You feel confused, you find yourself squinting or angling your head.
* You feel a block or a wall between you and the other.
In Internet dating, or any kind of dating for that matter, keep your anxiety down, your head attached, and LISTEN to everything your date tells you in every way. People tell you about themselves constantly, from the very first second of contact. You have to be willing to hear it. Not only do they tell you by what they do say, they tell you by what they don't say.
Many of these cues can come from simple distraction or nervousness, not deceit. New daters have plenty of reasons to be anxious. Signs of lying differ from one person to another. Don't let your own nervousness force a jump to wrong conclusions. Give your date a break and take some time.
Often, Cyber daters move too quickly to the phone and/or a face to face meeting. Gone is the golden opportunity to safely ask questions and study answers slowly and over time. Vastly increased are tension and anxiety, which complicate clear thinking and judgment.
With online dating, you have a tremendous advantage over meeting immediately flesh-to-flesh: You have a written record of what the other tells you. Make use of it! Take your time and get to know your potential Sweetheart the old-fashioned way -- through writing!
About The Author
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*
Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html
General
- 15-05-2006 05:00:00
CyberCheapskates and Net Gold Diggers
Author: Kathryn Lord
Did you know that Match.com has around twelve million members, but only a million or so of those listed have paid their dues?
The most asked questions from Romance Clients? "Why don't they answer my emails?" Well, first off, you don't know and never will. But it’s a pretty good guess is that this guy or lady is cheap.
If you have had much experience as an Internet dater, you've undoubtedly had the experience of putting out first email contacts to prospective Sweetheart and then gotten no answer back. A response rate of 30% to first emails is considered good!
On Match.com as well as many of the other Internet dating sites, you can post a profile for free, but you have to pay to email other listers or respond to emails sent to you.
You can't tell the payers from the freeloaders. And people who aren't paid members can't email, either to contact you first, or to answer when you write. That means that a very high percentage of those people you are carefully looking over are too cheap to pay less than a dollar a day to be able to email you!
Maybe that’s a lot of what’s behind the 30% who do get back to you. They're the only ones who are paid up!
Though I live now in Mississippi with my new husband Drew, I'm from Maine. I still own a house there on a beautiful island in the mid-coast area, so I get back to visit once or twice a year. Every spring, after the snow melts, all the debris that has accumulated over the winter along the roadsides gets exposed to the light of day. And along with tulips and daffodils, up spring the "For Sale" signs.
For years I wondered about why so many houses came up for sale every spring. Every other house seems to be on the market.
Finally, someone explained to me that lots of folks just put out those "For Sale" signs sort of for sport. All the locals know that summer people are heading this way, and those "city folks" have very distorted ideas about fair property values. So the sport is to put out a "For Sale" sign, ask a very inflated price, and see if anyone will bite. If you're lucky and catch a rich one, you just may be able to fund your retirement. Otherwise, life goes on, you get to stay in your house, and then try again next year. Sounds like a form of digging for gold to me.
Believe it or not, lots of people who are listed on dating sites are doing just that: They put out their "For Sale" sign with their profile and look like they are seriously "in the market" for a Sweetheart. Really, they have a way over-inflated idea of what they can get and are waiting to see if some fool will bite. These folks have stuck out their "For Sale" sign, but they aren't seriously looking. Except for the jackpot.
In the Internet dating world, this is deceptive advertising in the worse way, because the reader has no way of knowing if the profiler they are interested in is really serious and a paid-up member or not. The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid! All the others are freeloading teases.
If you are considering CyberRomance or are already posted on a site or two, pay your dues like a grown-up. Do your part to contribute to the energy and integrity of this wonderful resource for singles. If there’s a time to "put your money where your mouth is," this is it. If you're serious, pay up. If you're not serious, stay out of the game.
Kathryn Lord ©
About The Author
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*
Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html
Author: Kathryn Lord
Did you know that Match.com has around twelve million members, but only a million or so of those listed have paid their dues?
The most asked questions from Romance Clients? "Why don't they answer my emails?" Well, first off, you don't know and never will. But it’s a pretty good guess is that this guy or lady is cheap.
If you have had much experience as an Internet dater, you've undoubtedly had the experience of putting out first email contacts to prospective Sweetheart and then gotten no answer back. A response rate of 30% to first emails is considered good!
On Match.com as well as many of the other Internet dating sites, you can post a profile for free, but you have to pay to email other listers or respond to emails sent to you.
You can't tell the payers from the freeloaders. And people who aren't paid members can't email, either to contact you first, or to answer when you write. That means that a very high percentage of those people you are carefully looking over are too cheap to pay less than a dollar a day to be able to email you!
Maybe that’s a lot of what’s behind the 30% who do get back to you. They're the only ones who are paid up!
Though I live now in Mississippi with my new husband Drew, I'm from Maine. I still own a house there on a beautiful island in the mid-coast area, so I get back to visit once or twice a year. Every spring, after the snow melts, all the debris that has accumulated over the winter along the roadsides gets exposed to the light of day. And along with tulips and daffodils, up spring the "For Sale" signs.
For years I wondered about why so many houses came up for sale every spring. Every other house seems to be on the market.
Finally, someone explained to me that lots of folks just put out those "For Sale" signs sort of for sport. All the locals know that summer people are heading this way, and those "city folks" have very distorted ideas about fair property values. So the sport is to put out a "For Sale" sign, ask a very inflated price, and see if anyone will bite. If you're lucky and catch a rich one, you just may be able to fund your retirement. Otherwise, life goes on, you get to stay in your house, and then try again next year. Sounds like a form of digging for gold to me.
Believe it or not, lots of people who are listed on dating sites are doing just that: They put out their "For Sale" sign with their profile and look like they are seriously "in the market" for a Sweetheart. Really, they have a way over-inflated idea of what they can get and are waiting to see if some fool will bite. These folks have stuck out their "For Sale" sign, but they aren't seriously looking. Except for the jackpot.
In the Internet dating world, this is deceptive advertising in the worse way, because the reader has no way of knowing if the profiler they are interested in is really serious and a paid-up member or not. The ONLY people on these online dating sites who are emailing anyone are the ones who have paid! All the others are freeloading teases.
If you are considering CyberRomance or are already posted on a site or two, pay your dues like a grown-up. Do your part to contribute to the energy and integrity of this wonderful resource for singles. If there’s a time to "put your money where your mouth is," this is it. If you're serious, pay up. If you're not serious, stay out of the game.
Kathryn Lord ©
About The Author
Kathryn Lord, Romance Coach
Helping singles find someone wonderful!
eBk: "Find A Sweetheart Soon! Your Love Trip Planner for Women"
4870 Oak Ridge Road, Vicksburg, MS 39183 / Ph. 601-619-0030
Stay current with my complimentary enewsletter *eMAIL to eMATE*
Subscribe at http://find-a-sweetheart.com/newsletter.html
General
- 13-05-2006 08:00:00
Creating An Effective Personals Ad That Gets Results: Do's and Don'ts
Author: Anna Winters
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes. Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the online systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an essay. After someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay portion that can make you shine. It is crucial to fill out the essay completely, with at least 2 or three sentences per question asked. You can come back to the essay later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this out. People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously and get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming. Be honest in your ad.
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include hard data such as your height, weight, body type, educational background and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and minimally about your work (do not give your place of employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a local clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't share too much information or write a book.....just write enough to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk about later.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear your potential dates heading for the door?), but you do want to communicate things people can relate to: where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. DON'T fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to make false impressions. False impressions will back fire in the online dating arena as much as they will in the rest of your life. Relax, and let your true self show through. There are people who will like who you are.
Don't dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn't work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this later after you get to know someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and sex. Do not spend time talking about your children or reveal their names. People are wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not your immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at your profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on your children and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited time.
What you are looking for: Think about who you are and what you are looking for. To make friends? Fall in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short term or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for a cultured man between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking for a down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country, camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say that you are looking for the love of your life and want to get married....this will scare a lot of people away. Its good idea to state the general type of person you are hoping to meet, but don't overdo it. If you set down too many requirements you will miss out on the opportunity to meet some great people, and quite possibly the one that is just right for you.
Words to Use and Avoid:
Good Words: Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth, looking for best friend, educated, sophisticated, loving, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, great legs, petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid: Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On some systems, you will get terminated using some of this language whether in your profile or in an email). These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to look in the alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal on a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral, fuck, blow, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. This stuff is SCARY to most women and runs them off.You can tweak and improve your profile as you go along.
Tweaking your profile: If you're getting the type of responses you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the wrong types of people or not getting as many responses as you'd like, then review your profile and think about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more. Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of weeks.
How to search for a new friend: Each matchmaking system has different ways of searching for compatible profiles. Some have several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND, and some allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse. You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background -- even by interest in having kids in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be great but then the profile might be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, is someone just looking for sex or has totally different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo can be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is down right unappealing, remember that amateur/family photos don't always make a person look their best. Look for profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you the right way -- do the writers sound funny? Intellectual? Love animals as much as you do? Like to travel?
Posting Photos: It is up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People want to see who they are writing to, and many don't want to start a correspondence and waste time with someone that they don't know if there is even a initial attraction from a photo. If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture. From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it seems that people who don't have pictures of themselves are usually hiding something. So, if you don't have a picture, people are going to assume you look like a dog. If you are a high profile person in the city you live, offer in your profile to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo or hotmail, not your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate description of what you look like in your profile. You may want to say what celebrity you closely resemble.
People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to get one on line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't have a scanner at home or work, take a photo to KINKO's (they are everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in a .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send the zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg, .gif, and .bmp is the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should have a shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your primary photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies allow secondary shots that have your family and friends in the photos as long as you are in the photo. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini is going to attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your kids or friends by themselves, photos where your face is the size of a pencil head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything revealing, etc. Send your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball cap on may leave a the impression that you don't want others to have. Again, think in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to first see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt, secondary photo out rock climbing with friends, third photo with two nephews at XMAS.
Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking systems expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say "I will be out of town for "x time frame" and will not have access to email. Please ear mark my profile and write me back at "x time frame" and I will be happy to respond when I return." This is especially important during the summer months when people are on vacation and during holidays.
About The Author
Anna Winters is a writer for www.Singlesonthego.com, the largest singles groups, singles events and activities website helping 500,000 plus readers monthly find singles events in their city.
Author: Anna Winters
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes. Think of this as creating your personal resume. Many of the online systems provide a multiple choice matching along with an essay. After someone finds you with a "match", it is your essay portion that can make you shine. It is crucial to fill out the essay completely, with at least 2 or three sentences per question asked. You can come back to the essay later on many systems. You will spend 45 minutes to an hour filling this out. People who do not fill out the essay are not taking seriously and get passed on for other profiles that are more forthcoming. Be honest in your ad.
What to write about? Describe yourself honestly and accurately. Include hard data such as your height, weight, body type, educational background and profession. Show your personality. Talk about your hobbies, interests, activities you enjoy, movies, books, or music you enjoy, where you like to travel, and minimally about your work (do not give your place of employment....keep it general such as: I am a nurse at a local clinic, an accountant with a medium size company, etc). Don't share too much information or write a book.....just write enough to get them interested. You have to leave something to talk about later.
Share your feelings and experiences, not just facts about your life. You don't want your profile to be a touchy-feely pile of mush (can you hear your potential dates heading for the door?), but you do want to communicate things people can relate to: where you're from, where you are, where you're going in life, what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. DON'T fixate on only one aspect of your life: You may love your dog, have a great career, live to ski, and those are great things to talk about in your profile. But if you talk about that and only that, you're going to come off as one-dimensional and obsessed. Show your fully rounded self. Put your personality and humor into what you write. Tell what you are like, and don't try to make false impressions. False impressions will back fire in the online dating arena as much as they will in the rest of your life. Relax, and let your true self show through. There are people who will like who you are.
Don't dwell on your problems and limitations: This is not the place to talk about why you got divorced, your last relationship didn't work out, or problems at work. You can talk about this later after you get to know someone. If you have children, mention them BRIEFLY with their ages and sex. Do not spend time talking about your children or reveal their names. People are wanting to look at a profile that focuses on YOU, not your immediate family. You can talk about your childcare arrangements and coaching little league soccer, etc later. People looking at your profile want to know you have time for them. Focusing on your children and their activities can give the impression that you will have limited time.
What you are looking for: Think about who you are and what you are looking for. To make friends? Fall in love? Meet someone to hang out with? Do you want something short term or long term? Do you just want to chat with? (Ex. I am looking for a cultured man between 32-45 who is a Christian, attends church, college educated, and is into opera and gallery hopping). (Ex. Looking for a down to earth gal between 22-30 that likes the country, camping, country music, country dancing and NASCAR). Don't say that you are looking for the love of your life and want to get married....this will scare a lot of people away. Its good idea to state the general type of person you are hoping to meet, but don't overdo it. If you set down too many requirements you will miss out on the opportunity to meet some great people, and quite possibly the one that is just right for you.
Words to Use and Avoid:
Good Words: Affectionate, Likes to cuddle, interested in a committed relationship, sensitive, great cook, romantic, caring, monogamous, down to earth, looking for best friend, educated, sophisticated, loving, generous, cute, reliable, my colleagues describe me as handsome, great legs, petite, curvaceous, hourglass figure, gentleman.
Words to Avoid: Some of the bad stuff I have seen in ads. (On some systems, you will get terminated using some of this language whether in your profile or in an email). These guys have read too many Penthouse magazines and need to look in the alternative personals. Here is what NOT to put in a personal on a regular/metro site: Well hung, great in bed, I'd love to satisfy you, sexually insatiable, animal, great lover, oral, fuck, blow, make love, erotic, uninhibited and any other sexual words. This stuff is SCARY to most women and runs them off.You can tweak and improve your profile as you go along.
Tweaking your profile: If you're getting the type of responses you're looking for, great. If you're getting responses from the wrong types of people or not getting as many responses as you'd like, then review your profile and think about how you can improve it and make yourself shine a little bit more. Most matchmaking systems have a place for you to edit your essay and parts of your ad. Take a look at it at least every couple of weeks.
How to search for a new friend: Each matchmaking system has different ways of searching for compatible profiles. Some have several ways. Typically these are MATCH, SEARCH, FIND, and some allow you to make a Search Profile that you can reuse. You can search by location, ideal height and weight, ethnic background -- even by interest in having kids in the future.
A high percentage on a multiple choice match is a good start but read the answers and look at the essay. The percentages may be great but then the profile might be someone who sounds desperate and lonely, is someone just looking for sex or has totally different interests and values.
If there is a photo, look at the photo and remember that the photo can be one taken yesterday or 5 years ago. Unless the person is down right unappealing, remember that amateur/family photos don't always make a person look their best. Look for profiles that match your ideal characteristics but also hit you the right way -- do the writers sound funny? Intellectual? Love animals as much as you do? Like to travel?
Posting Photos: It is up to you to post a photo. You will increase your response rate TEN TIMES by posting a photo. People want to see who they are writing to, and many don't want to start a correspondence and waste time with someone that they don't know if there is even a initial attraction from a photo. If you want a lot of responses, you'd better have a picture. From my experience, and from what I've heard from others, it seems that people who don't have pictures of themselves are usually hiding something. So, if you don't have a picture, people are going to assume you look like a dog. If you are a high profile person in the city you live, offer in your profile to exchange photos from your personal (yahoo or hotmail, not your real email address). Make sure you put an accurate description of what you look like in your profile. You may want to say what celebrity you closely resemble.
People who say they don't have a photo or don't have a way to get one on line are either lazy or playing games. If you don't have a scanner at home or work, take a photo to KINKO's (they are everywhere). Have your photo or photos scanned in a .jpg format. Most matchmaking systems do not allow you to send the zip files or unusable formats. Typically .jpg, .gif, and .bmp is the limit and they must be sized down. Photos should have a shirt on, clearly show your face (no sunglasses), well lit, no swimwear (except for secondary shots) and no family in your primary photo. Make sure you are smiling in the photo. (Who wants to meet someone who looks angry and glum). Many companies allow secondary shots that have your family and friends in the photos as long as you are in the photo. Don't use a photo in which you're dressed too revealingly -- you want to look elegant and alluring, but a picture of you in a bikini is going to attract the wrong kind of responses.
What should you not send? You car, house, boat, photos of your kids or friends by themselves, photos where your face is the size of a pencil head, photos with your ex, dark shots, anything revealing, etc. Send your best photos. Remember, FIRST IMPRESSIONS may be your only chance. Your most recent photo of you camping (once in 5 years) with the ball cap on may leave a the impression that you don't want others to have. Again, think in terms of a resume. How would you want an employer to first see you? (Dressed nicely with your hair perfect). Ex. A good mix would be primary photo in a business suit or polo shirt, secondary photo out rock climbing with friends, third photo with two nephews at XMAS.
Out of Town or Unable to Answer email? Members of matchmaking systems expect responses to their emails quickly. If you can't answer emails for a week or two, edit your profile and at the top of the essay say "I will be out of town for "x time frame" and will not have access to email. Please ear mark my profile and write me back at "x time frame" and I will be happy to respond when I return." This is especially important during the summer months when people are on vacation and during holidays.
About The Author
Anna Winters is a writer for www.Singlesonthego.com, the largest singles groups, singles events and activities website helping 500,000 plus readers monthly find singles events in their city.
General
- 11-05-2006 05:00:00
